Alexandra imagined herself lying on her bed, on her back, head hanging over the edge. There was a man standing in her line of vision, his erection hard and pointing at her mouth.
Andrew, she labeled the man tentatively.
Immediately after she imagined this scenario, she rejected it.
“I’m not ready,” she told herself.
A flashback from her dorm room reminded her of her performance anxiety. This guy she met in her freshmen year demeaned her in her sophomore year, insulting her when she didn’t suck him off after they had sex. She had never done that before, taken a cock into her mouth, but clearly she must have been in the minority. They were both 19, but he had expectations that went far beyond her level of experience.
She remembered it vividly. He forced her head down without warning which spooked her, and her hesitation turned him off. He left her on her knees, stunned at what just happened.
“You’ll never get a husband,” he told her as he zipped up.
Is this sex, she remembered thinking. Men who penetrate and ejaculate all over her, then expected her to suck him back in to a second erection? There hadn’t been any foreplay, or warm-up. And definitely no climax for her. It was about his release, not hers, that day in the dorm room.
After that incident, she never warmed to the idea of taking a cock into her mouth.
Lately, she’s been fantasizing about exploring someone with her tongue. Andrew kept popping into her head. Would he allow her, should they ever get together, to learn and explore? Or would she have to turn to dating apps to find such a man?
She wondered if there was a man out there who would refrain from accusing her, making assumptions that there was something wrong with her for wanting to learn more about this sort of thing at her age. Was there a man who would be willing to allow her to awaken her sexual curiosity, and let her try things with him? Without ridicule or insults?
Alexandra sighed and kicked herself for not having given herself a chance before. She’d had plenty of opportunity. What was she afraid of? In the end, they were just sexual encounters, in it for themselves mostly. It shouldn’t have mattered what they thought, what they said.
Sighing again, she picked up her phone and searched her app for a quote she’s seen somewhere, one she saved as a reminder to herself.
The first quote she came across described a man who knew how to awaken the kinky side of his female lover.
He never made her do something she didn’t want to do. Instead, he made her discover things she never imagined she’d love doing.
Alexandra smiled at this one. For some reason she suddenly had an image in her head of being tied up. Her arms and her legs attached to posts with rope, spread wide open…
She shook her head as if to dismiss the naughty thoughts and returned to scrolling. There was something about rope which appealed to her senses, but today, this wasn’t what was preoccupying her. There was a specific quote she was looking for.
The second one she came across touched on the same message as the first one…
Every girl deserves a man who teaches her how to explore all her darkest fantasies…
Hm. This one was closer to what she was looking for, but still not the one, either.
But she was on a roll now. She decided to scroll some more and look for other inspirations, to get those juices flowing, creative and otherwise…
Even though she looks innocent, she’s really a perverted demon.
Ha, she thought to herself. That’s me. The repressed, inhibited but sexually awakening demon.
She had it in her to behave like a slut, like a nymphomanic. This she was sure of… but not with just anyone. It had to be the right man. One who respected her, treasured her. One who would stick around for a while…
Again, she turned inward. What if it wasn’t going to happen for her? Will she have to join a community, go to a club?
It shouldn’t be that hard for someone to lick and fuck the vanilla out of her.
Alexandra went back to fantasizing. She was good at creating scenarios inside her head. Picturing Andrew as her muse, she decided to come up with an elaborate and descriptive scene of how it would go down. She would visualize every last detail. All he would have to do was to be patient and let her go at her own pace. Can men do that? Are they capable of doing that while a woman sucks their cocks for the first time?
Alexandra remembered a couple of other quotes as the images in her head began to take shape:
The brain is the most important sex organ.
And the ever present ultimate truth:
Arousing you arouses me.
She imagined herself on her knees, rather than on her bed, freshly showered and naked. He was, of course, also showered and naked, standing over her, looking down at her.
For some reason, Alexandra began to salivate. Just the thought of sucking his cock was turning her on now.
It’s really true how the brain is the most important sex organ, she thought.
Alexandra licked her lips and began her daydream in earnest.
First, she would take him into her hand, feel how hard he is. Would she feel him grow inside her mouth? She wanted to feel him grow inside her mouth.
Her tongue would begin licking the underside of his cock from the base to the tip. Nice and slow, with her eyes open to watch his expression. Then, she would kiss the head and swirl her tongue around him, and make some sloppy noises. Men liked noises, she knew, the sloppier the better. Maybe next she would kiss his head, nibble a little, prolong his torment. The tip of her tongue would fit nicely into the hole in his tip…
She liked it slow, especially during foreplay. She would just mimic the same sort of thing for him. Would he like that?
Would he let her take her time?
She thought she’d enjoy that, making a man respond to her mouth and tongue action. She knew he would like it. What man wouldn’t.
Would he make a noise? Would he twitch, or shiver?
“Yes,” she said out loud and resumed her fantasy, thinking about how her hand would stroke him some as she licked and kissed her way around his erection.
After a time, she would take him fully into her mouth. She wondered how far she could go before her gag reflex kicked in. She wasn’t sure how that would work – do men like the gagging, or not really?
She stopped herself suddenly when she felt herself lick her lips. Did she just salivate at the thought of licking a rigid cock?
Alexandra surprised herself that she managed to actually look forward to the experience. This never happened to me before, she pondered.
But as these things go, there were the usual obstacles.
I don’t even know if Andrew is still interested in me, she scolded herself. But then, she did know. She knew many things about him, this man who kept popping into her head. It was an intuitive feeling; theirs was an emotional connection which wouldn’t just disappeared over night. Or would it?
It felt like he cast her aside recently. For whatever reason, he wouldn’t get involved with her. She understood, but continued to mourn the missed opportunities to this day.
Let him be in his comfort zone with someone who knows what to do, she reminded herself. It’s better this way.
And yet, her thoughts kept returning to the image in her head where he’s pushing his cock down her throat.
Alexandra glanced at her bed. Should she try it? Lie down on her back, head hanging over the edge of her bed, mouth open for him to enter her, penetrate her mouth? Even if only in her imagination?
To be continued…
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